Ahh. Just a quick thought for those scanning through and looking for a quick titbit of information. Drinking and taking drugs does not give you confidence. Neither do they give you an ability to express yourself. They make you THINK that you have confidence. They let you BELIEVE that you are more able to self express.
There is nothing worse than somone who is pumped up on juice and thinks they are Hugh Heffner in a Ferrari. Behind the facade you can see the brittle bones, the glossy paintwork fading. There is nothing worse than someone who thinks that drink and drugs helps them in life.
Oh the Dutch courage. I used to think it helped me. Swanning around full of beer and whiskey and spliffs and coke and pills and jager and wine. But while I was bred with self esteem by my parents, I still had a hollow middle. Something was a little bit shaky right near my centre.
I had self doubts. I went through all the usual nonsense teens and adults do go through – angst, confusion, nervousness and fear. They rumbled on behind a man who played football at a high level, who did well in University, was smart, good with the ladies and loved to be out and be social.
The use of drink and drugs for me, smoothed over the realities of self doubt which exists for all humans. It took away my ability to be honest about existence. Instead of integrity and sincerity, I gave the world cocky bravado. Instead of depth of character I gave the people a shallow man, who I THOUGHT I should be.
It took me a long time to realise this. To be honest, it is only in sober reflections some four years later that I recognise who I was. I confused what I thought I should do, with being honest about who I am.
Confused much?
Look, it goes like this. If you are drinking or taking drugs to help you deal with the world on a regular basis, then you have not got your focus on the real problem. If you drink or take drugs to express yourself regularly, then you are missing a great deal of the real you.
Your real personality does not need to be stoned, high or drunk. Your real honest, shy, intimidated, friendly, angry, confused, confident or whatever self has a mind of its own and has the right to exist without intoxicants.
I think we owe it to ourselves to be honest about who we are at least once in our lives.
I found my deep and real confidence took months to appear after going sober. But my sincerity in who I am and my assuredness now is like never before. It is not for me to tell you how to live your life, all I can tell you is my story and how I got to be content and balanced in life.
Believe me, my friends and family will tell you I was always confident and almost arrogant. But a lot of it was a sham. A lot of it was waffle – a flaky sand castle world, built on what I thought other people expected from me. It was not who I deeply was or wanted to be.
So it breaks down like this…
Ask yourself a question – Am I content and happy with my day to day life?
No more and no less. If you answer yes, then I am happy for you.
If you say no, then you gotta ask yourself another question.
Do I drink and take drugs?
If you answer yes, then I would be safe in telling you that you are covering up your fears, doubts and true self with intoxicants. And this will only lead to doom. Doom doom doom doom doom. It is true. Sobriety and self acceptence will help you. Honesty about who you truly are is the only way to lead that deeply happy life.
If you want to know more about how to get there just email me in private – mrlennyman@gmail.com
Peace out.