This is the first in a series of stories and thoughts on the relationship between alcohol and sex. Let’s face it – most of us would still be single, at home, fiddling with ourselves if it weren’t for the wondrous ability of alcohol to encourage cheekiness, confidence and looseness. It has been the oil with which most couples begin the story of their romance or indeed, been the precursor to many’s the one night stand. Whichever way you want to look at it, alcohol has helped begin and break a lot of unions. This is a guy’s perspective on how and why. And when I say a guy, I mean the Sober Paddy’s.
Picture this. You’re in a bar, one of those trendy, wanky places. There are low lights, half moon and full moons. They slowly change colour, every forty five seconds – crimson, light yellow, flouro cerise, to baby blue. There are bean bags, white leather couches scattered round the room. There is a massive dark brown wall to your left. In front of you is a dance floor. On the dance floor at 11.30pm there are between forty and fifty girls dancing – shapes and sizes to suit all tastes. There is the odd man prancing around (emphasis on odd). Young women in short skirts are swaying and heaving. Their asses are head height to where you sit and you are compelled to admire their rhythms, their figures. Music is swamping your head. Heavy bass beats and melody fill your drums. Next to you a friend is mouthing something to you and laughing. You shake your head and motion to the bar behind you some twenty feet away. You up and leave and soon are standing at the bar with your friend, ordering tequilas. You down the shots, have another round, turn back strutting to the dance floor. You pick out a couple of pretty girls and slide up beside them, start doing your best Michael Jackson, spasming like Inspector Gadget on speed. They giggle, start dancing all sexy and are there for the kill. You invite them for some shots at the bar, and away on a hack you are.
To most blokes who read this, you will think…yup sounds about right. Sounds good…sounds like some lads out having a good time trying to pick up. There is no harm in it is there? The answer has to be no. I have been thinking deeply about it and I cannot see the harm in what I just described. God knows I did it for twelve years or so. It boils down to the simple fact that when a guy is out on the town, looking for a woman, that he needs confidence to pick one up. He needs confidence to saddle up beside a gorgeous girl and chat her up. He needs confidence to grab a girl on the dance floor, twist her around salsa style, looking all suave and cool, while inside running completely on empty. He needs confidence to tell a girl that she is beautiful, without coming across as a sleaze bucket or some type of smarm bag. He needs confidence to make a woman laugh and think about him in a way that is mysterious and attractive.
Over the long term there is the problem that your drinking for confidence is masking a deeper lacking in self esteem. As the years pass and you continue to abide by these drinking rules, you will compound your internal shortcomings. You will need to stop drinking at some stage and figure out where confidence stems from and how to bring it into your life. There is a great website I found called www.hellosundaymorning.com.au. On this site the challenge is laid out to people to change your drinking habits for various periods of time. The people who take up the challenge blog their experiences and it is very interesting to read and see how some people fare without the booze.
When you drink, you loosen your inhibitions. It’s a simple fact – your tongue loosens, your apprehension diminishes. You forget that sense of self consciousness that hovers over most people most of the time. Alcohol makes you feel like nothing can stop you. You are the sexiest fucker who has ever graced planet earth (aside from the fact you are overweight, greasy and covered in a half beard). How could any woman not desire you? Zeus like creature that you are….
Now, the question I asked at the start is “Are women easier when you’re drunk?”
The real answer to this is no, not in the slightest. When a man is drunk it serves only one purpose – To make him think that he has a chance. It allows you the opportunity to approach women with abandon. It gives you the chance to say funny things and not be hung up on the words – sure aren’t you drunk! At this stage I must also mention the proverbial “beer goggles”. Alcohol gives you a wider range of women whom you would potentially sleep with/date/marry. It lowers your standards and makes you think of the beauty of all women, as opposed to the 5/10% who look like Vogue models. If any of you have seen “A Beautiful Mind” starring Russell Crowe, think of the time when the boys are in the bar and a beautiful chick walks in with her ‘not so pretty’ friends around her. Crowe’s character, genius that he is, figures that if any of them attempt to shag the prettiest, they will fail, and thereby lose face in front of the other women, who would rebuff their advances as they don’t want to be seen as second best. Approach the ones who don’t command as much visual attraction first, and they will feel great about themselves, thus increasing your chances of success. Alcohol removes this carefully engineered thought process. It works out all these permutations for you subconsciously.
The only aspect of alcohol to consider for your chances of getting laid, is whether or not the woman is drunk. A sober woman will know from a quick pan around a room, which bloke she would potentially shag, meet again or fall in love with. They operate on a very instinctual level, and make quick judgements based on appearance, smell, humour and feeling. Once a woman has made her mind up there is very little a man can do to change that. Whether you are drunk or not bears no real importance.
On the other hand, if the woman is drunk, everything changes. Drunken women do not see what they normally do. They are giddy, their perception skewed and find many more things humorous and attractive than they would normally. It’s not rocket science. So the next time you want to pick up, buy her a shot or two, and some strong, sweet cocktails. Make her laugh. Take the piss out of yourself and try to dance no matter how shit you are. Have a drink or three, but don’t end up leery and bleary eyed. No woman likes a drunk.