I spend the days like this – In torpor. Torpor is when your brain is glue, your words are mud, your legs feel like slushy plop and your emotions are a bag of second hand sandals. I feel like a mango that has been smuggled down the top of an octogenarian slut, who has no chicken fillets left to fill her off-white brassier. I might as well play bingo in a hall, on my own, with a packet of monster munch for the nibbles.
I have no interest in this blog. How can I expect anyone else to care when I don’t? I get all buzzed when I see a few comments and I send a few mails and get figuring all sorts of plans and then whallop…I get a dose of the online clap and would rather sniff varieties of human odours than do any writing or blogging. Weeks pass. What is this mundanity that consumes me?
I just removed Pokerstars from my computer. I am sick to death of just missing out on big pay days. I am nauseous to me gullet of spewing expletives as some Russian online pro hits his flush on the river to knock me out. When I have kings they have aces. When I hit two pair they have trips. The last week has seen me so close to 4 and 5 figure pay days. Close though, is about as much use as a sledge hammer to the back of the cranium.
I can’t stand this arsing around that I am doing. Is anyone else sick of doing fuck all? I am reading about all these inspirational leaders who took on the might of Imperial America like Omar Torrijos of Panama and Jaime Roldós of Ecuador who fought for the freedom of their people. They were targets of the major oil companies and the CIA when they were in their 30’s. And here I am playing a car parking game on my iPhone to while the hours away.
I feel sick at the pathetic bag of balls I’m crapping up here. These men I mentioned above were assassinated for going against the grain. They stood for principles. They believed in ideals. They led and inspired millions. I stand for not drinking and that’s about it. There is more backbone in a bowl of porridge. I am so depraved with trawling facebook and other people’s photo’s. I am quite demented right now.
It’s kinda like that scene in Zoolander when the zany fashion mogul starts saying – “Hansel’s so hot right now” about Owen Wilson’s character. Except that it’s “Sober Paddy’s so shot right now”. Give me a break. The world is on the precipice of economic meltdown and the imposition of a totalitarian police state in the former US of A and all I can think of is “Will I eat a plum or a nectarine?” My brain is fudge right now.
I miss the old America. Do you remember growing up thinking how great it would be to live there? I sure did. But they have turned it from a bastion of Freedom and the dream of dreams, to an crumbling empire of repression. The money men are gobbling their pound of flesh. There will be monstrous scenes in the next 12 months as the greatest recession ever known kicks in in downtown Kansas City and San Fran. I wish it was not so.
I feel a little better after that. In fact I feel a lot better. I probably should get the wife to read this before posting. She might advise me to change a bit of it. But what kind of a naff, milky tea sipping, pirate cuddler would that make me? This blog is going up as is. Plain and simple. I have about as much patience as a junkie on dole day.
I have no idea what I am writing about. I just need to vent. I could be sending positive vibes to the ancient spirits and summonsing the wise words of ancient tribes right now. Instead though, I am going to go back to facebook and see if someone has posted something funny. What kind of a weird world do we live in? I hope you realise we are a pathetic society.
Billions in poverty. More wars than you can shake a magic wand at. Pollution from the high to the low heavens. And all of us are worried about getting somewhere on time, or some football team to win or to dance with $$$ in our pockets. Get off the stage people. Smack yourself in the head and get with it. One thing and one thing only I want you to remember from this pile of diatribe – Think for yourself.
17 thoughts on “So Over It”
I can so relate. It’s good to rant sometimes, and I think we all feel like this on some level right now, there would be something wrong with all of us if we didn’t. Thanks for the rant sober Paddy, you just said what a lot of us are thinking.
Thanks for them words. Sometimes you just need to get things off your chest, clear your head and crack on again. Feels good that you share these frustrations from time to time. Let’s get the heads up though ha? And burst out!
I liked your rant. I loved your rant. Heres ur sister. I feel stuck,demotivated,uninspired,useless and vacant.
” get busy livin” tch pah blah blah blah……….
Ah Nice Wan V! It’s like a purging of the soul. Go have an angry poetic rant yourself and then get the cogs whirring and start taking on the impossible
Hey cuz….nothing like a good rant……we played 1st round of ashbourne today in wit against wit…..lost by 6 pts to say the ref rode us wud b the understatement of the century…..19 to 6 was the free count…..he screwed us so bad I actually fucked him from the heavens…..alas to no good…….on my way home to my 4 kids now from Waterford…….and that makes me smile……they still talk bout u and ur lovely wife and they have my noodle wrecked bout listening to u on bondi fm so hang in their coz and let me know next time ur broadcasting to the airwaves……..
Well Cuz…hard to take when the ref is on the payroll of the opposition…you can understand why them lads in Wicklow all them years ago bundled the ref into the boot of a car after the game and held him hostage for a while! Need to clear the head with a good blast every once in a while…Say hello to all the nippers for me…We’re doing our last show for a while tomorrow…will let you know when we’re on, but I think the kiddies will all be sound asleep….
Sorry you’re feeling useless. It will pass.
The painting of all the guys and gals looking toward the sky, who is it? It looks like Hopper but I’ve never seen it before.
I stopped drinking two and a half months ago. Blogs like yours have helped so much. Please keep it up.
Thanks for the words. The negativity has passed already…just needed to blurb about it! I am glad I am helping. You should be proud of two and a half months. Keep it up my friend.
The painting is indeed Mr. Hopper. It is called “People in the Sun”. Kind of suitably suits my feelings of doing something which should be pleasure, but feels eerily like I’m going through the motions.
I suppose being sober I don’t get the release of booze any more. But that’s a good thing. I express, deal with things and move on
Sometimes the people you have known and the places you have been seem like they have never grown into the images you dream while you look for a blackened beauty they smile the light of day and a chorus tries to sing you all the words we never say take people by the hand then go speak the dumbed down word lead a life you never planned man be no dead monkey in the head for if you follow all the beaten tracks youll end up at the same and if you don’t know where you’re going then you’ll have no one to blame we are not invincible or divisible or flat invisible we are free to be the dreamers or the cynics that we want but you should situate the streamers of yourself before you can’t pass on pride and pass on love and goodwill as you go don’t be afraid to be afraid or say that it ain’t so we are not invincible or divisible or flat invisible…………….I am writing that from memory I know I missed a little bit John…..go Facebook free for lent,I know your not into catholic religion but just use the forty days,also give up being sober paddy for lent,just saying…..your cool
Give up Sober Paddy ha? Hmmmm, there’s an interesting thought now. I will definitely consider it, but I feel pretty normal again today. Just had a good angry dip last night.
Thanks heaps for the poem again – been so long since I wrote that and am so happy you can remember it. I’m going to put it up on the site so it’s there for posterity (or at least until they take down the internet!)
See you in a couple of weeks!!!!!!
Money burns a hole inside where laughter never could talk and think and poetise no tv ll say you should…… That is the line I was missing it just popped into my head there
Great bit of venting there John, couldn’t have put it better myself. It actually put a smile on my face, I found it very amusing and quite true. You’re not the only person who goes on Facebook just for something to do. We all go through bad times, but don’t worry I’ll be there soon to help out and put a smile back on your face.
Keep up the good work.
Nice one JP. Glad you got the humour…I won’t be beating myself up too much about it to be honest. Them clouds are gone. Spent the day with the wife and me niece and 10 year old brother in law at the beach and bowling. Wholesome goodness is the way to go. Looking forward to having you’s over. It’ll be serious crackige!
Your rant has made me feel very guilty, I always read your blog (& others) but I never leave comments even though I always am propelled into thinking differently.
Well done on d blog – I’ve always loved it and I think it was a brave move to document sober paddy. Keep up the good work….
No need for the guilties!! I am more than happy if you just consume and think. There is no need to comment unless you are really in the “comment” mood. Glad you took the time today though. Thanks for getting in touch….
Great rant, can relate to all of it. Would we be better writers, citizens, lovers, without the distractions? Or would we just turn to other things to distract ourselves?
let it out, then: chin up, keep walking!
Im still following you, boss!