I have been blown away by the response to Dub Sub Confidential. To top off an incredible reaction to the book, I was awarded the inaugural Setanta Sports Book of The Year award. I want to say thank you for all text messages, phone calls, emails, likes, tweets, hugs, handshakes and kisses from all over the world. I am truly humbled.
I have always wanted to write something good. I always dreamed of people someday, somewhere reading my prose and thinking “yeah, this kid is good, this kid has it!” I didn’t think the story would be about me. I didn’t think I would be the protagonist. But there you go. Life is full of little twists and turns.
When I first began this blog, it was to keep myself to account. If you look at some of the videos on my YouTube channel, they are raw. I was raw and earnest. My early writings were desperate and honest. It is something I will try to maintain. I want this always to be honest and real.
The book covered so much of my own life, my trials and tribulations, that in some ways it is hard to call it a sports book. It is something I put my heart and soul into. My paedophile priest abuser is in there. My long dead Dad is in there. My former life with the Dubs is in there. My ex lunatic drink and drug fiend runs rampant.
I will write a blog about the abuse soon. I have to. Not for me, but for everyone else who is being or has been abused.
The reason I mentioned first beginning this blog two paragraphs up, is because there have been many times over the last almost seven years that I have been tired and disillusioned. But then an email would come in . An email would come in from some poor bastard who was struggling with his own daemons and I would think :” Fuck, I have to keep this going. I have to keep telling this story”
I always thought that if I could help just one person out it would be all worthwhile. I have had thousands of connections with people about drinking and drugs over the years. I have been humbled that some people take strength from me putting it all out there.
And now, with the child abuse…I feel the exact same way. I didn’t think about that when I was writing the book. But as the day of it being published loomed I got pre match nerves: what will my friends think? what will my family think? what will my peers think?
And then I though, fuck it. Fuck it all. If the reviews are shite then OK. If the book doesn’t sell, then OK. But if one person out there who has been or is being abused reads it and gets some kind of something from my story, then it has been worth it. That’s what I thought then and what I think now.
I’m getting emotional now.
I do want to thank Setanta for putting this award on. Sport and writing are a massive part of Irish culture. They are how we define ourselves. They are where we excel. They are part of the fabric of our consciousness as a race and we need to celebrate them whenever possible.
I worked out that Ireland accounts for roughly .05% of the worlds population. POINT ZERO FIVE!!! We punch so far above our weight it’s not funny. The Rory McIlroy’s and the Conor Mc Gregors are not the exceptions…we are all the exceptions. Our whole little Island is an exception. All our sporting teams and all our writers excel in a vast and impossibly competitive world.
So for Setanta to come in and bring profile to the combination of these two is a testament to them.
And for me to take home first prize and beat the calibre of the writers I was up against…well, it is nothing short of a dream come true.
So thank you everyone. And keep on fighting the good fight.
Hi John
Just finished reading your book. Loved it. Couldn’t put it down. Read it in 3 days ( I have never done that before). Played a bit of junior football for Clontarf so I’m familiar with a lot of the guys you talk about. Loved the bit about Mark Vaughan on the pier….
Keep up the good work. Well done and congratulations on a brilliant piece of work.
Thanks
Eamon
Cheers Eamon,
Glad you got through the book in such short time! Enjoyed writing it and great to get such great feedback.
Cheers!
Really enjoyed the book. Supported the Dubs all my life, cried like you in 2011. That 16 year wait made me never take anything for granted. Had a brother who had a similar life to you and always encouraged him to write a book. He was exceptionally clever and talented but passed away in 2004. Ironically from medical negligence despite being clean for years. Was in a lot of places you were, mentally and physically.
Best of luck in the future, stay sober Paddy 👍😜
Thanks Pat,
They were 16 long and barren years and make sure you appreciate the good days while they are here.
Sorry to hear about your brother passing away. I was lucky I managed to dodge a lot of bullets and come out the other side…but I know people who didn’t. Keep his spirit shining on somehow and best of luck in life.
Cheers
Got a gift of your book for Christmas John. Looking forward to reading it. Congrats on the award. You’ve obviously worked very hard. Hope you’re keeping well and are enjoying life.
All the best,
Sadhbh
Hey Sadhbh,
I’m glad someone has good Christmas present taste! Hope you enjoy the read and would llove to know what you make of it. Hope all is going well for you.
Take care and chat soon
John
Just finished your book john great read loved the honesty both about the struggles with the demons and struggles to make it in the gaa. I could relate to alot of it myself. Done alot of stupid things myself and made a few mistakes but sure that’s life. Fair play and congratulations on the books success.
Cheers Brian,
My story is one I hope most people can relate to at some level. Life is tough and there are very fine lines between success and failure. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for taking the time to get in touch.
Cheers
Hi John, Have just finished your book and if I’m honest I couldn’t put it down, brutally honest, thought provoking, and darkly funny at times, I found the passages about your father to be particually moving, Im happy you got to express your feelings to each other before his passing. Also delighted that you won Setanta sports book of the year.. Much deserved, congrats to you, and last but not least.. thank you for all the hard work you put into representing Dublin GAA… Up the Dubs
Thanks James.
I put my heart and soul into the book and for you to enjoy it means the world to me. A book is only to be understood by the people who read it and for that reason, it is immensely satisfying when you message me to say you got something from it. As for the Dubs, well…I did my best and it just wasn’t quite good enough. But I don’t regret a thing. Up The Dubs!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjuAzVzkC9c
I was at this game… look at the scenes when Jayo got the winner.. it was a great game! and here.. good long kick outs when we needed to win some ball by yourself too! 🙂
You’ll always have that man… a great game!
All the best
Ahhh, that was one of my best moments. Thanks for sharing it!
Hi John,
Just finished the book and really enjoyed it, love your honesty and really happy to hear there was a happy ending. You gave yourself some awful stick for not being good enough to be number one but remember you reached a level that 99% of players will never get to!.
Can’t wait for the next chapter 🙂
Thanks John,
Glad it struck a chord with you and that you enjoyed it. I got so close yet so far away! I am happy with my lot now, that’s for sure. Looking forward to getting the next chapters out at some stage soon!
Hi John,
Just finished your book. It was brilliant, got me through a flight from Amsterdam to Bangkok. Fair play for the honesty in it, dealing with the sexual abuse from that scumbag, your dad’s death, and your lunatic 15 years on the drink and drugs. Ava is an old school friend of mine, although I didn’t cop the link until a few chapters in.
Well done on the setanta award.
Cheers
Cheers Kevin,
Man…I would love to be on a flight from Amsterdam to Bangkok! Happy that my book got you through all the way to Thailand. Thanks for the kind words. Will say hello to Ava for ya!
I don’t normally read many books but your book gripped me. I read it in a matter of days. A fantastic book and a great achievement for you. Being in my mid twenties I can relate with the world you were immersed in. Your book has guided me to think twice about things and enjoy what is most important.
Ciaran.
Cheers Ciaran. Glad you enjoyed it. Truth is stranger than fiction sometimes! Glad you might think about your decisions a little deeper or more slowly. Life is short and it is important to follow them dreams. Best of luck with everything.
I was at your talk today in Gorey community school. I thought your story was incredible. At the end you thanked us for being there even though we had to be. Before it we were all waiting for a lecture about drugs to bore us all to sleep but after your speech it was all we were talking about. Thank you for your time and for sharing your inspirational story with us
Thanks Jessie,
Really happy you enjoyed my story and that I didn’t bore you to sleep! Hopefully it might help you to think about those decisions in life and the impact drink and drugs have. You have a really great vibe in your school and I wish you all the best. Thanks again for listening.
Got your book yesterday at lunchtime and finished this evening. Never in my life went through a book as fast.
Related to a lot of your story and seeing how you have addressed it and have found peace with yourself and your past has really made an impact on me. Being so open and honest will undoubtedly help so many. What greater legacy could you leave?!
Congrats on the well deserved award and on managing to turn you life in such a positive direction.
Thanks for putting it out there and keep it up.
Stephen
Fair play Stephen,
Thanks for taking the time to read the book and letting me know what you think!
Let’s hope people do get to read it and take something from it!
Cheers
John
Congratulations on a most engaging and motivational book. Your award is very well deserved. Thank you for sharing so much of your life with such openness and honesty. You give great insight into what it takes to accept responsibility for our own lives, even in the most difficult of circumstances. Personal change is a challenge at the best of times and you have achieved it in spades. You really bring out the importance of the people close to us in supporting us through life’s journey and your acknowledgements say so much. I wish you continued success in your great work.
Appreciate the comments John and apologies for my slow reply. I had responded months ago and never clicked “publish”!
Many thanks and I hope to be able to influence more people in a positive way over the coming years…
Just finished your book. What a fantastic read.Really enjoyed it. A really honest account of a life that many of us have lived and Hugh congratulations for coming out the other side,
Many thanks Peter…and I apologise for the slow response to you too. Glad you enjoyed the book and ook the time to come here and tell me.
Just finished your book which was a Xmas gift. Read a lot, don’t drink that much and follow the Dubs all my life. What a read – Funny, heartbreaking, anger for the abuse but most of all complete admiration for you and your family, especially your dad. I do not know how you are still alive but glad you are – inspiring and moving story. Keep up the great work and have a long and happy life – you deserve it. Look forward to following your future writings
Many thanks Maurice…
Appreciate all those words and I am working on a few more stories to come out in the next year or two.
Lenny
Phenomenal book. Best sports book in years. I would recommend every GAA club manager to read it and understand a little bit about the mad world out there. Most players dont go as wild as you did but some do and some border with it, some trespass into that territory. Its another world, oul fellas (managers) dont understand and I certainly wouldnt have guessed half of it without the honesty in your book. It will help me understand players heading in that general direction and maybe even steer them off it.
Apart from the serious stuff i laughed my head odd at the rest of it.
Hope life is treating you well and you are still in the happy place you finished the book in.
Dinny
Cheers Dinny,
Great that you enjoyed the book and got the laughs and the serious tones that were intended. That is the life I have had…full of laughs, but also full of heavy deep challenges. That’s what it is like for most of us I suppose. But it is great for you to come and let me know your thoughts.
Cheers
John just finished your book. What a life and you turned it around. I had just read Louise Hay before yours as my husband was reading yours. After reading Louise Hay I could see you have learnt to love yourself and that is where it all starts. After that the world is our oyster. Congratulations on your award.
You are an exception and an inspiration.
our copy has been to Australia with our friends and now Portugal with us.
Best book I have ever read
Best wishes for the future and I hope you write another book
Hi Emily,
It is true that I have learnt to love myself in a simple and accepting way. That has been the catalyst for the turn around in my life. Truly being at peace with who I am has allowed me to be honest and to influence others with my outlook in life.
I am glad you enjoyed the book and that you are spreading the word around. Best wishes to you and I am working on the next one!